I just don't know...

I don't know what to do anymore....

I just seems like nothing is enough ne more....

I try and I try and get nothing...

Just a "I'm fine, nothing, or don't worry about it"

Well I guess I care to much about you to do that....

I wish you would just talk to me. Tell me whats up.

But all I get is silence. Nothing...

Sometimes I feel like you won't even miss me when I'm gone... That it won't even phase you...

I love you more than anything!

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm frustrated and tired of trying to figure you out and just hitting a brick wall over and over again.

What is it about you that drives me crazy.

Always wanting to be near you. But yet when I am I still feel alone.

You in your own little world and me knocking at the door trying to get in but you can't hear me.

I'm I not clear or loud enough?

Or are you just deaf....

I Love you.... Please talk to me.

For Brittany! =)

"Please tell me you'll fight this fight
I can't see without your light
I need you to breathe into my life
Don't tell me this is goodbye
I won't grieve - it's not yet time
Each breath breathed is keeping hope alive

So keep breathing
Go on breathe in
Keep on breathing
Go on breathe in
Just breathe

Each breath breathed means we're alive
And life means that we can find
The reasons to keep on getting by
And if reasons we can't find
We'll make up some to get by
'Til breath by breath we'll
leave this behind

All you have to do is breathe"

Random Thoughts....

So I was thinking last night about a time in middle school...

I had woke up late for school cuz no one woke me up which i thought was strange so i went to ask my dad if we were going to school

he said not today, today we are going to Silver Dollar City!

And i thought that, that was just the coolest thing we got to skip school to go have fun!

And I remember me, matt, and my dad sat the the living room window and watch the bus go by, we even waved it away.

I felt so BA.

But i dont know what made me think of that just thought id share





U know what i dont get... Video games!

i mean yeah sure there fun to play every once in a while, but then they get boring and u have to do something else

i dont get how someone can sit there all day and just play away

Its ridiculous!

Plus, then u start to get mad and cuss at the machiene/game becuz its stupid!

if it makes u mad THEN Y DO U PLAY IT!!!!

Seriously!

If ur just going to yell at the inanimate object turn it OFF!

Problem solved!

There's no crying in Peggle!!

*Sigh* Last night was so much fun!

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

*does't victory level dance*

Stupid....

compare and contrast paper!!

My hair....

Is gone...

Bye bye hair....

AAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!

I'm so sick and tired of this!

It's not like I'm out every night in pregnating myself or getting drunk!

I am not Scott!

Let me do what I want... AUGH!

I don't know how many more times u can bring up the same stupid thing!

I'm So frustrated I don't even know what to say to you any more....

Nothings good enough.

Oh no! I'm going to be a heathen forever. We and Corey Hell raisers tell you what...

I would understand if I actually was doing something wrong. I don't see anything wrong in what I'm doing?

Do your parents get onto you went u go to church once a week??

I could be not going at all! And just for the record I would go even if you didn't make me...

In fact you making me is making me NOT want to go.

I feel forced. Not like I ever what to go and that's not right.

This is not how it should be. And you should not tell Corey what he needs to do either.

It's our lives let us live them how we want to.

Just becuz u made mistakes doesn't mean we are going to!

Ah... I don't know what to say or what will make u happy

One day I'll be away from here... Oh that blessed day!

Anyways on a different not (sorry for the rant)

Buddy please please please go to Memphis! You need to do something for you!

Don't listen to the negative stuff that everyone is saying. Your never going to be able to live ur life if you keep living it for what makes everyone else happy.

Parents and Grandparents don't know everything... They like to think they do but they don't.

They want what they want cuz they regret not doing that... They live vicariously though us.

Do this for yourself. Even if you don't get in. U tried! and that is what matters.

Plus, you never know unless you try.

I think this is what you are suppose to do. Get out of Springfield, Go to Memphis, Get in, Graduate, Be the most famousist person ever!, Then rub it in the face.

Cuz you made it! You beat the odds and did something! Against what everyone was saying and doing.

You were the one who stood up for urself. and became what u wanted to be.

Plus, who ever got there way easily. Everyone needs to fight for what they believe. If not u become another faceless drone. leading a life becuz others thought that would be better.

Oh and Corey I love you soo much! No matter what she says we can raise hell together ;) Makes things more fun.

Plus like you said there always has to be the pissed off parent or things would be boring. She will eventually get over it she will have too. :)

Stuck in my head

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be

There's a shadow hanging over me.

Oh, I yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say

I said something wrong, now

I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say

I said something wrong, now

I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

So here's the 411

For those who don't know...

Yesterday was AH MA ZING!!

Sushi at Mishuri (sp?) which was delicious! And Corey lies he liked the raw stuff too.

Then we drove around for a bit at went to the library station (cause Corey forgot the directions) but i got to see my favorite Rochelle ever!

Then Corey filled up Roy and we hit the open road

...for Marshfield

Went to St. Pauls Lutheran Church to see a Melodrama and eat dinner (sushi was lunch)

It was hilarious!

We ate, made fun of the actors, got serenaded (no not by Corey), ate some more, played hang man, and I got a rose :)

Then we ran out (obviously the only out of towners)

Got back in the truck and headed home

Then I got serenaded by Corey :)

Then Corey ate Andy's and we watched Walk the Line

Over all the best Valentines and I year anniversary EVER!

Plus! Corey got me 2 pounds of twizzlers and a stuffed Elephant!

Ok Now ill stop being all mushy and gushy and stop talking about Corey!

Valentines Day...

It has more than one significance in my life.

For One Corey and I have been dating a year! Yay!

I <3>

Two many years in high school of wearing black on this day. That was a lot of fun :) I liked it a lot!

Three I never really liked valentines day. But when your not in school for it it makes it a whole lot better :)

But I'm mainly just excited for tonight, be it valentines or not, I'm going to have lots of fun!

....in Marshfield?

I don't know what we are doing yet...

So til later! Ah!

In Reevaluating My Life.....

I have decided several things...

B. I need to go somewhere thats not here... Like Haiti I think I'll go there...

A. That I'm only completely, without a doubt sure about one thing in my life... And thats You

Z. I need a Job...

X. There has got to be something bigger out there that I need to do.. Not sure what but its something.

J. I don't think I'm going back to school in the fall.

F. I have no idea what i want to do for a living. If you do know don't take that for granted becuz it sucks not knowing.

R. I might start a bakery out of my home.

V. I like working with kids preferably ages 2-5

H. I like working with Autistic kids.

Y. I really truely love Corey!

D. All my friends make me feel extra specail.

Q. I feel stuck in a rut most of the time. And i can't seem to get out.

G. I wish I could figure out the source of my headaches. Maybe Allgeries...

M. That I wouldnt mind staying here. As long as I could leave every so often and travel.

W. I'm really going to strive for my traveling goal. Every Country in the world. Since I've already been on every contintent except one.

P. I really don't want to go to school anymore. Feels like a waist of time when you don't have an ending goal.

I. I can't wait to be on my own.

T. I should walk more...

K. I really miss babysitting my cousin all the time. He really lights up my life. Such a trooper!

C. I really miss my accent... Kind of wish i had never lost it. Come back?

N. That I really miss my brother. I didn't think i would... But I do.

S. I think 2010? Maybe?

E. That my dad is gone a lot... I don't know how my mom does it...

U. I wish i could think more about other than myself sometimes. My situations are no where near as bad as some...

L. That I think your mom wishes you were dating Kelley instead of me.

O. Finally, that I'm sorry for whoever decided to read all this and listen to me mope... I'm done now...

Ps. Yes I did use every letter of the alphabet...

???

You know what I don't get? How everyone on this blog thingy talks about everyone else yet refuses to just state the persons name.

I mean if your going to openly talk about someone why not just put there name out there too.

They know ur talking about them.

AND

Everyone else knows ur talking about just make it easy and say hey Brooke you a butt head!

(BTW I just was giving that as an example Brooke is really amazing and I lover her to death!!)

If you think people are going to get offended because you say there name well it not much different then if u don't say it and still talk about them.

But that's just my two cents/soap box/whatever else you want to call it...

So on another note I gots lots o music from the library today it makes me happy to continually extend my music selection! :)

:) See HAPPY! :)

Plus I just found out one of my favorite people ever is having a baby!! YAY!!

So this paper is extremely frustrating... Arrrggg Stupid Liberal English Teacher...

I mean does it make sense to say you can write about anything at all EXCEPT Religion, Love, or Abortion...

NOPE Nope nope

Yeah that's all I got for now...

Drama, drama, drama....

Thats about it....

Except I miss Drama alot...

As in the plays and such drama

Not the oh she stole my boyfriend you such a slut drama....

Sooo today was fun! Poor Sienna though... Brothers are stupid!

I hate school... I dont know what I want to do and that makes it suck even more!

Maybe if i had a sence of direction that would help a little...

Maybe???

So Brooke and Chris got me hooked on Patchwork. Its a very relaxing waste of time though.

Nick and Norah's comes out tomorrow!! YAY!!

By the way... Akward talks from rents early in the morning turn out to be very interesting...

Umm...

So I'm pretty sure i haven't done something like this since zanga. Which was a long time ago...

But anyways

Does anyone have any ideas for organizing recipes...? Cuz i really don't want to write them all out on index cards to file in a recipe box...

Oh, and by the way I worry about u... and don't tell me not to cuz i am still going to whether u want me to or not. If i don't who is cuz u defiantly never put urself first!

Darn Selfless people! lol

Oh and Brooke is an AMAZING person! Yay Brooke! lol

Chalupa!